


Aftershocks

by theseasdancingotter



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Destroy Ending, F/M, Flashbacks, Moderate angst sprinkled with humor and fluff, Other, Paragade (Mass Effect), memories can help and harm, what if, written from different prospectives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-10-29
Packaged: 2018-04-26 09:20:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4999318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theseasdancingotter/pseuds/theseasdancingotter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The end is never really the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ~Every planet called it something different, but on Earth it known as the week of broken stars. Those who still lived watched as long streaking lines of amber-red crisscrossed the smog choked sky. They sat back and stared helplessly as ships of every culture and class set the atmosphere ablaze, night after night after night. The Reapers may have been defeated, but their damage had been done~  
> \- The Reaper Wars: a History of Triumph and Loss

**Shepard**

 

The second breath was worse than the first. So was the third, and likewise the fourth. Each gasp resulted in a wave of scarlet pain, radiating outward from her lungs. But in her experience pain was better than nothing and she didn’t stop. On her seventh breath she attempted to move her arms, but found, like the rest of her body, they lay pinned under deep piles of rubble and ash. She could see but her vision was blurred into something resembling a hellish watercolor painting. On her eighth breath her mouth tried to form words but resulted in nothing but a wet gurgle. On her thirtieth she attempted to struggle, only to bring more of what was once a building down on top of herself. On breath three hundred and eight she could scream, and she did.

 

**Moreau**

 

Joker spun away from the console in disgust. The Normandy had crash landed three weeks ago and nearly every attempt made at repairing her had been a disaster. One occasion had left the ship rocked by a series of small explosions and sent both engineer Donnelly and a hand full of other crew members to the ship’s medical bay. After that Adams and Tali had decided that any attempt to restore power to the main engine would be postponed until something was found to replace the mass effect core’s damaged shielding. The only systems that were currently functioning within Alliance safety guidelines were the Normandy’s main cannons (much to Garrus’ surprise and mock dismay).

With nothing to calibrate the Turian’s time was now equally spent between searching the planet for resources, in Kaidan’s near-daily shore party, and assisting Tali with diagnostics. Though, what he was really analyzing when he spent time alone with the Quarian was obvious.

 

Joker’s eyes went to the vacant seat next to him and he took a deep breath before looking away.

They had put her body in the AI core. “Well,” he guessed, “they had put it back in there.”

The instant the red energy wave had hit most of the Normandy had gone dark, and so had EDI. He had never realized how much he had grown to need her until he was managing on his own again. She had gone from this uptight AI to his best friend, and the damned best copilot that he had ever seen. Now, just like his sister and his dad, she was gone and she had taken a part of him with her.

Joker closed his eyes.

 

***

“ _I can restore power to the core systems. But…”, Tali had said looking up from her omi-tool. “EDI was as much who she was because of her experiences as because of her programming. Whatever I manage to repair might be similar, but it won’t be her”._

_He had stood up angrily at this, causing his legs to ache in protest, “Your people invented an entire race of AIs for Pete’s sake. You should be masters at this sort of thing, not telling me that EDI’s dead!” He had screamed the last part._

_Tali lowered her head in response, her shame bathed faintly in the orange glow of her Omni-tool._

_He turned away, “Shit. Tali I’m sorry it’s just…”_

_She took a step forward and put a hand lightly on his arm. “We’re all going to miss her.”_

_His eyes began to burn when she said that. “I know.” He whispered._

***

Joker rubbed his eyes open and took a sharp breath in through the nose.

It had all been so much so quickly. In a month’s time Earth had been occupied and the Batarians driven to near extinction, in two Palaven had fallen, in three even Thessia was on its knees. It put personal loss into prospective, even if it didn’t make it hurt any less. The list of the dead was like a novel that didn’t know how to end and it was authored by the entire universe. Everyone on the Normandy kept a brave face and pushed forward, but staying motivated was hard when you didn’t know if there was anyone to go back to. They only thing that kept everyone going was the fact that it was what Shepard would have wanted them to do, but without her actually there it wasn’t easy.

She had been the one that kept them all together, had unified them as a team and more importantly a family, even when the odds would have caused a lesser person to falter. She had never been afraid to make the tough calls to risk her life for the sake of theirs, but for all her sacrifice what had they done?

The last moments of the battle flashed before Joker’s eyes and it all came back, the guilt, the panic, and the shame.

They had left her behind.

He had left her behind.

He put his head in his hands. The energy wave from the mass relay had given him little choice, but the truth did nothing to ease his conscience or, for that matter, anyone else’s.

They all did their damndest to hold out hope that she was alive, but every day they remained stuck on the planet it got harder.

That is, it did for everyone except Kaidan.

***

“ _You can come up and be my co-pilot again”, he had offered jokingly, “I can talk about how much I hated_ _Nilus_ _. It’ll be just like old times”._

_Kaidan looked up from his data pad, “No thanks Joker. I’m going back through the Normandy’s recorded flight trajectory readings on impact.”_

_He crossed his arms. “You know that might be a better job for somebody else, like I don’t know me or Cortez._ _**Pilots** _ _. Anyway we’ve already checked that data, most of it was corrupted. Galacticly speaking we know we went in some direction, we just can’t tell which one.”_

_Kaidan had merely smiled at him. “There’s no harm in double checking. It’s what she’d want us to do.”_

_He took a deep breath. “Kaidan…”_

_The Major interrupted him. “I know what you’re going to say, but I also know her. I thought Shepard was dead once.” Kaidan stood up and his free hand went to her picture on the desk. “Never again” he said softly._

_Joker remembered shaking his head. “So did everyone else”._

“ _Then you know she can’t be.” Kaidan turned and walked toward the near-empty fish tanks, pressing his hand against the smooth polymer glass. “If there is even the smallest chance of her being alive then we have to believe that she is, and that she’s looking just as hard for us as we are trying to get back to her._

“ _You really believe that don’t you?” He asked._

“ _Call it having a little faith” Kaidan said and then inclined his head upward. “Traynor. Do you have those charts I asked for?”_

_The com specialist’s disembodied voice echoed from the corner of the room. “Sending them to you now.”_

***

Joker stood from his chair and walked to the elevator, wishing that his own faith didn’t involve a steady supply of sleeping pills from Doctor Chakwas.

 

 


	2. After Shocks:Part Two

**Shepard**

“How long was I out? And no one better damn say that it was another two years.”

Admiral Hackett stood at the end of her bed, arms behind his back. “Give or take the occasional moments of lucidity you had. You’ve been in an induced coma for about three weeks” he said.

Shepard sat up, instantly regretting it but refusing to let herself collapse back onto the bed. “I can live with that. Did the Normandy make it out?” she said hoarsly. “My crew? Are they alright?”

Hackett frowned. “I wish I had better news. Some Turian freighters reported seeing the Normandy head in the direction of the Viper Nebula, but beside that we’ve had no word. Right now the fleet’s entire focus is on recovering survivors and repairing the relay. As of now, everyone is effectively stranded in the Sol system.”

“And the Reapers,” she hesitated, “they’re gone, they’re actually gone?”

“Yes.”

Shepard released a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding. Everything she had been working towards, had been fighting for, was done. They had succeeded. Shepard didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“Good,” she said instead. “What were our losses?”

“More then we wanted but less than we anticipated.” Hackett replied.

“How much less.” She asked.

“Not much”, he said. “But, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that any of us survived at all. We have you, Commander, to thank for that.”

Shepard shook her head. “I’m just a soldier who did her job. If you want someone to congratulate you need to find my ship.”

 

 

**Alenko**

Kaidan threw himself onto the bed and buried his face in her pillow. If he breathed deeply enough he could convince himself that it still smelled like her, even if deep down he knew that it had lost any scent but that of smoke and perspiration weeks ago. With Shepard gone he was now the Normandy’s commanding officer and it was his duty to get everyone off the planet. As much as he hated to admit it himself the stress was starting to get to him. He had never been hugely religious guy but every night he found himself whispering a quiet prayer, that he wasn’t wrong and she was coming back to him. His mind momentarily went to Ashley. She had talked about her faith briefly before Virmire and he guessed a little bit of it had stuck. Just like something of everyone else he had ever lost or known had stuck. Sometimes it was an idea, a thought, or a memory but there was always something. Images of his dad fishing on the coast and kissing his mom on her birthday, drinking lousy beer with friends and staring into the horizon, game nights back on Jump Zero, they all came to mind. He rolled over and looked up at the ceiling.

The first time she had called him Kaidan.

***

“ _Alenko!”_

“ _Ma’am!” He had yelled back._

_Shepard ducked back behind what minimal cover she had, screaming to be heard over the roar of gunfire. “Take the left flank and try to pressure those things into a group. Garrus find the highest ground you can and take out every Asari clone-thing that enters your scope. If you can get a shot at the creature itself, take it. I’ll use what grenades I have left to try to bring some of the building down on it.”_

_Kaidan nodded and fired his Haliat Stiletto. One of the pistol’s shots went wide, but while it missed the target he had been aiming at it had buried itself in a bulging pocket of fleshy cable._

_The Thorian screamed in protest._

“ _Commander,” Kaidan yelled. “There’s a node or something over here. It could be worth looking at.” He looked through his pistol’s scope and his voice rose with realization. “I think it’s some kind of neural connection.”_

“ _Meaning?” Shepard responded, her question punctuated by the wet popping noise of an exploding creeper._

“ _It’s a weak point”. He responded._

_Garrus turned to Shepard, momentarily ducking behind a pile of broken concrete. “Where there’s one…” He said._

_She nodded, quickly adapting “…there’s bound to be more. New plan, but neither of you is going to like it.”_

_Garrus fired his mark IV Equalizer and another husk-like creeper burst, olive sludge erupting from its broken throat. “I’m game.”_

“ _We make a v-formation. You provide cover fire while Alenko uses biotics to push the grunt of the Thorian’s creepers back.” Her gun hissed as she popped out and replaced its thermo-clip. “We go in fast, hard, and try our best not to get over-run as we take out as many of those neural nodes as we can.”_

_Garrus fired again and was rewarded with a shower of green goo. He spat. “That leaves a lot of room for getting shot.”_

_Kaidan watched as the Commander smiled. “Then don’t get shot”, she stated plainly._

_The lieutenant opened his mouth to add his own rejoinder, but was thrown twenty feet into an embankment._

“ _Alenko!” Shepard screamed._

_Kaidan blinked away stars. Pinned by a shimmering field of blue and gasping for breath, he watched helplessly as a volley of bullets cut through his shoulder. Blood ran as he bit his lip to keep from screaming._

“ _They’re biotics” Garrus shouted._

_Shepard pulled one of the few remaining grenades from her belt, “So am I.” She said. Rolling out of cover she flung the explosive with one hand and with the other she pulled the Thorian’s abominations towards it._

_The result was deafening._

_Chunks of stone whizzed in all directions and the entire area was painted green as the Asari thralls ceased to exist._

_Shepard ran to where Kaidan had landed. Garrus followed closely behind her, his gun trained on the upward sloping portion of the passage._

_She kneeled beside the staff lieutenant, her Omni-tool giving a faint click as she applied a deep layer of medi-gel. “Hey. Talk to me. Alenko.” A small note of desperation crept into her voice. “Kaidan._ _**Kaidan** _ _”, she asked, “are you alright?”_

_He opened his eyes and did a series of slow blinks. Using her outstretched arm as leverage he pulled himself up and slumped against the wall. “Thanks Commander.” He grunted, whimpering slightly as she quickly checked her handiwork. “Thought that one had my name on it.”_

“ _I’m glad it didn’t”_

_He grinned, both adrenaline and the anesthetic from the medi-gel making him bolder than he usually dared. “Worried about me Shepard?”_

_She laughed. “Worried that I might have to find a replacement.”_

“ _Do you worry this much about all your crew members?” Kaidan said mirroring an earlier conversation they had had._

_Shepard smirked, pulling him up. “We’ll talk later”._

_Kaidan let go of her hand, “I’d like that.”_

_Garrus shook his head, a tiny smile curling at the sides of his sharply toothed mouth. “And Tali said it was just a filthy rumor.”_

_Shepard coughed, trying to regain some semblance of authority. “Let’s keep moving.”_

***

The memory fell away and he was once again left with a cold metal ceiling and an empty bed.

That had been when he had first realized it, had admitted it to himself.

That had been when he first realized he loved her.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next is the Vega chapter. (throws confetti)


	3. Chapter 3

 

**Vega**

When he walked into the shuttle bay he was already sweating. He wiped his face with the towel that hung limply around his neck and made his way over to the armory.

“No rest for the wicked?” called a male voice from behind him.

James turned, running a hand through his damp mohawk, “You can’t sleep either Esteban?”

The pilot rolled out from underneath the Kodiak and shook his head. “Naw,” he said giving the shuttle an affectionate pat, “Not with the UT-47A calling my name. Major Alenko thinks we can use parts from its engine to retrofit the Normandy’s.” He moved his hand along one of the shuttle’s aft stabilizers and sighed. “It’s my baby; I might as well be the one who takes her apart.”

James nodded and tossed his towel in the general direction of his modification bench. He threw his arms into a circular stretch and rolled his neck with a resounding staccato of dull pops. Cracking his knuckles similarly, he took several steps forward and grabbed onto the low hanging bar that served as the means to his favorite exercise.

Cortez continued, standing up and wiping his hands clean on his fatigues. “It also helps that the Kodiak’s hull is made from similar material to the SR-2. It won’t be pretty, but as long as I remove its panels carefully enough, we can use them to patch nearly all of the structural damage that was done to the Normandy.

“Need any help”? James asked mid pull-up.

Steve’s eyebrows rose, “asks the man who crashed it into a Cerberus transport the last time he got his muscle bound fingers onto it.”

James nodded but remained silent, the only indication that he had heard anything an increase in his pace.

Cortez cocked his head, frowning slightly. “Is everything ok?” He asked.

Vega stopped. He opened his mouth to respond but just as quickly shut it. He adjusted his grip on the bar and continued.

Steve tried again. “Going to enlighten me Mr. Vega?” He asked.

“Bad dreams.” James finally said, his tone indifferent. “It’s nothing” He lied. “No big deal.”

 

 

***

 _He was back on_ _Fehl Prime._

_Vega felt bile rise in his throat as he looked around, it was like he had never left._

_He steadied himself as the ground beneath him suddenly shook and listened as scream after scream in the distance was cut silent._

_His words echoed harshly as he said them. “DAMMIT._ _DAMMIT_ _._ _DAMMIT_ _.”_

_Gunfire rang out to his left, but it was over shadowed by a noise that, despite his best efforts, he could never forget._

_His stomach fell into his feet and he felt himself go cold._

_It started slowly at first, an almost imperceptible buzzing at the edge of what he could physically hear. It was a deliberate sort of noise that swelled into something that wouldn’t have been out of place in the center of an angry hornet’s nest._

_Vega ran in its direction but every step he took slowed to a crawl. The tempo of the sound increased with what could only be described as some kind of hellish eagerness and he heard a child cry._

_He threw himself forward, every muscle begging to go faster but the dream not allowing it._

_The child’s sobbing turned into a scream._

_He tried to move faster but every step was agony._

_The screaming crescendoed into something barely human._

_Vega felt his throat tear as he begged at the top of his lungs. “LEAVE HER ALONE YOU BASTARDS!”_

_Her screaming turned into a gurgle and then stopped._

_James felt everything crystallized._

_He fell to his knees, tears burning down his face._

_It was all his fault._

_The air burned with countless explosions but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He felt sting after sting as he was enveloped in a writhing blanket of the collector’s bugs. He felt flames lick his skin and he embraced the pain as it consumed him._

_The world shifted._

_He was standing again but this time it was in rubble. He heard and felt the unmistakable discharge of reaper cannon, and he knew where he was._

_Earth._

_London._

_No man’s land._

_Ash fell like Christmas snow and with every step he took he felt wreckage snap beneath his feet._

“ _You coming James?” Shepard asked, running out from behind a corner and pulling her M6 Carnifex from her right hip._

_It was only three words but the effect they had was enormous._

_He turned with enough force to shatter glass. “Commander?” He could hear the desperation in his own voice. “Shepard you nee…”_

_His words tapered off as he watched himself walk past her._

“ _Wouldn’t miss it Commander.” He watched himself say, and felt himself mouthed along with the rest of the phrase. “Let’s go give the Reapers a good old fashioned Alliance boot in the ass.”_

_Any amount of hope he had melted into black grief, she was going to her death and all he could do was watch._

_Just like Captian Toni._

_Just like Nicky and Kamille._

_Just like Essex._

_Just like April._

_Just like every colonist he had abandoned on Fehl Prime._

_He turned away, knowing he wasn’t strong enough to see it happen again. “I’m sorry Lola”._

 

_***_

“Are you alright?” Cortez asked.

James blinked up at the lieutenant; he could faintly hear the commander scream. “I’m fine.” He said quickly.

The shuttle pilot shook his head. “And the Normandy isn’t the only woman in my life.” He put out his hand. “You got this really vacant expression and collapsed.”

Vega let himself be pulled up, a new layer of sweat shining sickly against his skin.

“You want to talk about it?” Cortez asked.

He felt something in himself fracture.

“NO!” Vega shouted at him, with all the agony and rage he had, until now, been able to repress. “I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT”. He slammed his fist down onto the weapons bench, fingers aching with what would later develop into a deep bruise. “WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN FASTER, STRONGER.” He jammed his thumb into his chest. “ **I** SHOULD HAVE BEEN. **I** COULD HAVE BEEN.” He shook his head, his face a twisted mask of self loathing. “ **I** COULD STILL HAVE CARRIED A GUN.I TRAINED FOR THIS SORT OF THING **. I** SHOULD HAVE KEPT GOING, NOT LET THE COMMANDER GO ON HER OWN. BUT I DIDN’T. I WAS WEAK.” All of the old guilt rushed back. “I failed again”.

Cortez took a deep breath. “Losing the commander’s been hard for everyone. But, what would she say if she could see you now? Do you think she would approve of you wallowing in self pity? No. In fact, I know she wouldn’t.”

“You have no idea what the **fuck** you’re talking about.” James spat.

“Losing something that I care about and blaming myself when there was absolutely nothing I could have done?” Cortez replied coldly. “No, I couldn’t possibly”.

Remorse flickered across James’s face. “Esteban I…”

“Look,” Cortez said. “You know how hard I took Robert’s death. You’re the closest thing I have to a best friend and I’ll be damned if I see you go down the same road I did. I was at a point where I didn’t think I would ever be whole again, but I was wrong and Shepard showed me that. Yes, she’s gone but that just means that her job falls to me.” The lieutenant took a seat on an empty ammunition crate next to him. “Losing her, the Normandy crashing,” he paused choosing his words carefully “every single person that was killed outright or stolen by the collectors, that was the Reaper’s fault not yours. You’re just one guy. Do you really think that even on your worst day this could all possibly be your fault? I knew you had a big ego but this is ridiculous.”

“I…”, James stuttered.

“have been tormenting myself for no reason and have been more of a pain in the ass than usual” Cortez finished for him.

“I’m the pain in the ass.” Vega said, surprise draining the last bit of his anger.

“Admitting it is the first step towards recovery.” Cortez said with a slight smile. “You’re always going around and acting like some kind of big tough guy, but when it comes down to it you’re just as afraid and fragile as the rest of us. Would it kill you to actually talk to somebody about it once and a while? We’re all family aboard the Normandy. You know I’ve always got you’re back.”

James clapped him on the shoulder, his eyes brimming with gratitude. “Thanks hermano.”

"Anytime". Cortez shrugged and then inclined his head in the general direction of the ships mess. "Now come on. I think Liara has some tea tucked away somewhere".

Vega stepped back and crossed his arms, a small smile curving at the sides of his mouth, "I could always dig out my abuelita's recipe for hot coco instead".

“You’re making that up.” Cortez interjected, shaking his head with a chortle. “Old Mexican women making coco, that’s a cliché.”

James gave a short bark-like laugh in response ,“And that’s racist. It’s a comfort food, one I guess I don’t have to share.” He then turned and began to walk towards the lift, enjoying listening to his friend stutter. 

 “What?" Cortez finally said, held in place by his confusion. "Wait just a second. I remember one James Vega saying, I quote, ‘the only thing that woman didn’t burn was huevos rancheros’.”

James firmly pressed the button to the side of the door. “It’s even better when I spike it with tequila. That was grandpa’s addition.”

"Where’d you get tequila?" Cortez demanded. "When did you get time?"

"Shore leave." James replied simply, watching the lift's doors pop open.

Cortez blinked at him."Going to share?"

James walked inside the now open doors. "You bet."

As Cortez moved to join him, the lieutenant's smile turned wicked and the entrance to the lift began to slide shut. "Umm...What are you doing?"

Vega shook his head innocently "To see if Garrus wants some".

"But he can't even...James!"

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are no words for how much I love Cortez and Vega's relationship.

**Author's Note:**

> After the events of Mass effect 3 we were left with a lot of questions, the greatest of which being what happened to the characters that we had grown to love so much. This is my way of trying to find answers. (I hope you enjoy!)


End file.
